


Some things take time

by rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere



Series: DEH and BMC crap short fics [5]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Crying, Forgiveness, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Post-Canon, Regret, Sad, Self-Reflection, Sorry Not Sorry, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 03:31:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere/pseuds/rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere
Summary: The better Jeremy got, the worse his thoughts clouded his mind. He wanted everything to be normal, happy. Laying in his hospital bed, he has nothing to do but reflect, and maybe do something...





	Some things take time

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bored and apparently still in an angsty mood so have this crappy lil thing. Enjoy I guess...

The SQUIP had been a terrible idea. Frankly, it shouldn't have even popped up in the first place. It shouldn't have even been a concept to it's creators -- whoever the bastards are.

Luckily enough, everything has a weakness. And  _thank fucking God_ for that. 

Jeremy must have been drugged, drunk, or high when he even thought over the idea of getting a SQUIP, let alone during the actual decision.

He made a series of terrible decisions, one after the other.

Taking the SQUIP; listening to the SQUIP; using Brooke; getting the upgrade; trying to manipulate Christine; the whole  _entire fucking Halloween party._

Jeremy could go on and on and on. Overall, Jeremy was just a terrible human being.

But no one would tell him that.

No one would just give in and tell him how bad what he had done was. Nobody would yell at him, or scold him for his actions. No one would just admit that what he did was even remotely wrong.

He expected to be hated. Not treated like a fucking ticking time bomb, ready to explode.

Hell, not even Michael, who he expected the biggest reaction out of all of them, didn't even try to mention it.

Michael had been there the whole time. Ever since the play, Michael hadn't left Jeremy's side for more than 15 minutes at a time. After everything Jeremy had ever done, he was still there. Still sitting there at Jeremy's bedside, never leaving if he had the chance.

He chatted with Jeremy like he normally would, still cracking a few crappy jokes, making a snarky comment every now and then; but something was off.

He didn't smile as big as he used to. His laugh wasn't as full or hearty as it was. He seemed lower on energy, and didn't talk nearly as much as before. He wasn't the same.

Sure, to anyone else, Michael seemed perfectly fine and healthy.

However, Jeremy noticed that wasn't the case. He noticed that everything was wrong.

Unfortunately, he knew exactly what that was.

He had caused it. He caused the whole damn train wreck of a mess. He made everyone feel shitty, everyone feel terrible, useless. Especially Michael.

It was never in his intentions to hurt Michael, anyone, for that matter. He mostly meant Michael, though.

He never meant to hurt his best friend. He never wanted to. If anything, it was the last fucking thing on his list of things to do; it might as well not exist.

But apparently, it did. And the SQUIP just drove him way down the list, and straight to that point. 

Actually, what makes it even worse is, that he can't even blame the SQUIP for what had happened that night. Well, most of what happened talbat night. But it definitely wasn't at fault when it came to the Michael deal.

It was gone, and Jeremy was just acting... Horrible. Disgusting. Rotten. Greedy.

There is not a word big enough to describe how bad he acted. How bad he had hurt his  _best friend._ A person who had stuck with him through thick and thin. A common denominator in Jeremy's pathetic little life. A constant, that had never done  _anything_ to hurt him in the slightest. 12 years of all they went through together.

In the blink of an eye, however, Jeremy threw it all away. 

Everytime he remembers that night, only pain, regret, and guilt can be felt. Each in massive amounts.

\---

"I said get out of my way,  ** _loser_**."

\---

Each time that memory creeped into his mind, Jeremy shuddered. 

What made him do that? Say that? Even contemplate it?

Jeremy still doesn't know. He still can't believe he did it. He honestly doesn't even want to know. Something terrible, other than the SQUIP, had taken over him that night.

Heaven and hell know that Michael didn't desevere this. Jeremy only prayed Michael knew this too.

If he did, why wasn't it showing?

Michael should be angry. More than angry, actually. He should be just downright furious with Jeremy. In Jeremy's mind, Michael should hate him.

He should be getting yelled at, or scream at, even, for what he had done.

And yet, all that was happening was the painful lack of his best friend.

His "best friend" isn't even his friend anymore, most likely. If somehow they still are, they shouldn't be.

Michael deserves so much more than the piece of shit, Jeremiah Heere.

If anything good were to happen right now, it's just that everything would go back to the way it was before the SQUIP.

At this point, Jeremy would be completly fine with constant bullying from Rich, a completely hopeless crush on Christine, and hell, he'd even be fine with his dad not wearing pants.

Anything for Michael to be completely happy. Everyone knows he deserves it. If they don't, they should.

Michael Mell deserves the fucking world and then some. You know what? He doesn't even deserve the world; the world is a shitshow anyways. Michael deserves the whole entire universe,  _and then some._

He doesn't know it yet, but he definitely, absolutely does. 

So, the least Jeremy can do right now, which is not nearly enough, is apologize. 

He opens his eyes for the first time in what feels like a few ages. They were almost crusted shut, gross and still quite tired.

Looking up, he scans the room for Michael. Finding him sitting next to his bed, as usual, asleep. 

For a slow moment, Jeremy takes in his features.

His head is resting on his hand, which is resting on Jeremy's uncomfortable hospital bed. His glasses are cloudy and dirty, and his hair looks like it hasn't been washed in a few days. He's wearing his usual red hoodie, and his big, labeled, white headphones are hanging loosely around his neck. 

Another quick glance, and Jeremy notices that he's sleeping, snoring quietly. His mouth is hanging slightly open, and his beautiful dark chocolate brown eyes are shut lightly. He also noticed some dark bags underneath.

Frankly, Michael looked extremely exhausted. Emotionally and physically.

He looked completely drained, not really caring at this point how he slept. He still had a slightly concerned look on his face, even while he slept peacefully.

Well hell, Jeremy couldn't wake him up even if he wanted to. (He really didn't want to). Michael seemed completely out of it, like his own mini coma. He looked like he was going to sleep for the next few days.

Which wouldn't be good, considering Jeremy feels exceptionally tired as well, so he doubted he'd be able to stay up until Michael awoke.

He sighed, and straightened his back slowly, stretching out his back muscles. He yawned, the leaned down towards Michael's face, a rather awkward position, then ruffled his hair lightly.

Michael made a small slightly annoyed grunt, then turned his head towards Jeremy more, eyes still shut, him still sleeping.

Jeremy grinned a little as he got into a more comfortable position, laying down meanwhile facing Michael. 

After a few moments of the steady sounds of the heart rate monitor beeping, and the shuffling sounds outside the room, Michael stirred, grunting slightly. 

He yawned, then opened his eyes slowly, rubbing them as well. He sat up straight, leaning back in his chair lightly, then running a hand through his hair.

"Morning, sunshine," Jeremy said, sitting up straighter.

Michael grumbled a quick, "Shut up," before he was standing, stretching his back and the rest of his body.

Jeremy giggled slightly, "Rude."

"Oh, sorry, my prince. But I assume you know my name is Michael and not 'sunshine'." Michael replied jokingly, but still not sounding right to Jeremy's ears.

"Why, yes. I assume you know I am the prince and can therefore call you what I want." Jeremy said, immediately regretting it once he saw Michael grimace. "I-I mean--"

"Dude, it's cool. I... Got over it." Michael interrupted, dismissing it with a wave of his hand.

Jeremy gulped. It was now or never. 

Well, not really, but right now was a great opening.

"B-But, actually, it's really n-not." Jeremy said weakly. Before Michael could interrupt, he continued, "I technically still haven't apologized, have I? B-Because I really need to do that."

Michael shrugged and started to speak, but Jeremy cut him off once more. "I-I am so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have done any of what I had done. I was and still am a terrible friend, and I'm so, so s-sorry." Jeremy hadn't noticed when he had started crying.

Michael was almost I instantly at Jeremy's side, trying to comfort him, which somehow only fueled Jeremy's tears even more. "W-What are you d-doing? You sh-should h-hate me!" Jeremy managed between sobs, his pitch growing higher, making Michael jump slightly.

"What I d-did was t-terrible and there's j-just no way y-you should still b-be here! I-I treated you l-like sh-shit, and h-here you are t-trying to c-comfort m-me!"

"Jere--"

"If a-anything, y-you should b-be the one to y-yell and s-scold me! A-At least a l-little l-look! I-If anything, y-you should h-hate me!" Jeremy continued, he couldn't seem to stop.

"Jeremy, why would I do that?!" Michael said, louder than he needed to.

"B-Because of the w-way I t-treated you and e-everything I-I did to h-hurt you--"

"Jeremy," Michael said sternly, gripping Jeremy's shoulders, "I've gotten past that already. I don't _hate_ you. I could never do that." Michael softened his look a little, making direct eye contact as best he could with Jeremy's puffy red eyes.

"B-But I--"

"I know exactly what you did, Jere. I also know that stupid ass tictac was a major part of it all." Michael cut him off, looking at him with a sincere look. "You can't blame yourself for everything, bud."

All Jeremy could mumble was a small, "But it was all my fault," before Michael had taken him into a big hug, shutting him up.

Jeremy almost instantly felt relaxed in Michael's embrace, melting into the soft fabric of his hoodie.

There, he sobbed a couple times more while Michael rubbed his back, comforting him. He sniffled once more and pulled back from the hug to look at Michael. 

"I-I s-so sorry."

Michael looked at him with soft eyes and smiled gently. "I know bud. And I forgive you." 

Jeremy searched his face for any signs of lying or a fake sentence, but when nothing came up, he gave Michael a weak smile and hugged him once more. "I truly am v-very sorry for e-everything." He said into Michael's chest, not caring to pull away this time.

Michael rubbed his back some more until Jeremy was completely calmed down, breathing normally. "I know."

"Y'know, you don't seem as happy as before, Mike."

Michael sighed defeatedly, "Some things take time, Jere."

"I want things to be the way they were. I hate what I did. I hate what I did to you. I hate--"

"You better not say yourself or I will physically punch Rich into another dimension."

Jeremy giggled nervously into Michael's chest. "I'd like to see you try." He paused. "Why Rich?"

He shrugged, "I had to pick someone. And isn't Rich the one who told you about it initially?"

"Y-Yeah..."

Michael scoffed, "Jackass."

"Rude!"

"Well he is one!"

"I know! But... He had to endure it a lot longer than I did so... Props to that I guess." Jeremy sighed, cuddling up to Michael closer.

Michael sighed as well. "I guess."

A moment of comfortable silence filled the cold hospital room. Most of the tension had left. All that was there were a few splinters of Jeremy's anxiety flare up.

"Hey, Jere?"

"Hm?"

"I'm -- I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Jeremy abruptly pulled back from the hug and looked up at Michael with shock. "But you have no reason to be so--"

"Will you shush and just accept my apology?" Michael chuckled, putting a finger to Jeremy's lips as a sign to silence them.

Jeremy sighed and nodded his head, hugging Michael once more.

"Can we just... Stay like this for a while?"

"Sure, Jere..."

So they did.

Michael still didn't quite seem fully like himself still, and Jeremy still felt the guilt overweighing the relief; but as Michael said, "Some things take time..."

 


End file.
